Almost Forever Page 11

  I convinced myself that with a good dose of determination I could achieve my goal of pushing Paul out of my heart, out of my mind, and out of my life, once and for all.

  Holding on to my new resolution, I jumped off the bus on the main road and walked towards the FitzRoys’ house. Harry had summoned me with his enthusiastic text about a DVD of a new movie he wanted to see.

  Away from the suffocating stale air of public transport the day was glorious. The sun was warm on my bare shoulders and it dried my wet hair. I stopped for a second, enjoying the little noises of a lazy, sunny Saturday afternoon. I closed my eyes and inhaled the delicious aroma of the late blossoms that were still flowering in the gardens. I opened my eyes again and walked down the driveway with a smile on my face.

  I heard the noise when I was just a few metres away from the front door. I turned just in time to see something big and furry as it ran full-throttle straight at me.

  I braced myself when I realised it was too late to prevent the attack. I was suddenly on the ground whilst two enormous paws pinned me down by my shoulders, and a wet tongue started licking my cheeks, my eyelids, my forehead, my nose. The shock of the impact with the stony paving only lasted for a few seconds, as did the slight sense of disgust from the bad dog breath. Then, elated, I began to laugh, perhaps just a little bit hysterically because of the surprise of the fall.

  ‘Coco!’ My hands were already petting the stocky, fluffy dog that was now sitting on me.

  Her tail wagged madly between my legs while her full weight was crushing the laughter out of my lungs. She was having the time of her life covering my face with her drool.

  ‘Coco … I missed you too but get off me now, you silly old dog!’

  I shouted at her while she lounged comfortably across me. She was just too excited to listen. Too lazy to move. As I tried to push the dog away, a shadow covered my face. I looked up and recognised his eyes immediately. I should have known that such a loyal dog wouldn’t be too far from her master. My heart stopped after I used my last breath to murmur his name. ‘Paul?’

  ‘Hi,’ he said, watching me. He was smiling with a genuinely amused grin I hadn’t seen on his face in a very long time.

  I stopped my unequal struggle with the beast, to concentrate on controlling the emotions that bounced madly inside my heart at the sight of him.

  I remember how my head shouted at my heart that I was over him, trying to remind me that I didn’t need him but at the sight of him my heart ignored my head. I managed to smile back with the detached affection reserved for a kindergarten playmate. I was trying to play it cool, aiming not to give any of my inner turmoil away.

  His expression was unreadable, his hands were casually folded behind his back, his eyes focused on me. He kept his guard high, his smile polite. I did the same.

  ‘Want help?’ he asked and it made me mad that our first encounter, after such a long separation, our first meeting as mutually disinterested parties, had to happen while I was wearing scruffy clothes, my hair awful, my eyes bloodshot from the chlorine of the swimming pool and, just to top it all off, I was sprawled on the gravel with a dog suffocating me. Even more unfair that he was, as always, casually gorgeous. I kept my expression blissfully pleasant and, holding on to my damaged pride, I shook my head in reply to his offer.

  ‘I’m fine. I’m fine, thanks. Everything’s under control here. Nothing to see,’ I remember saying to him, concentrating on my dog-lifting exercise and desperately trying to forget that he was still staring down at me.

  The stubborn dog wasn’t moving an inch, and – unlike me – she seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the game. After a few seconds, I was exhausted and embarrassed by lying on the paving in the front garden flattened by a ball of fur. Seeing no other alternative, I looked up at Paul and begged for help. His smug smile was irritating but I was happy to breathe again when he gently pulled the dog off me.

  ‘Come on, Coco, go fetch!’ he said, throwing her a stick.

  I was still lying on the driveway collecting the strength to sit up. My shoulders ached so badly even the mere idea of lifting a finger brought tears to my eyes. I watched as Coco was bounding back proudly, already halfway down the path with the retrieved stick in her mouth and a mischievous glint in her eyes.

  ‘Silly dog,’ I muttered under my breath.

  When I lifted my eyes, Paul was staring at me.

  ‘Are you all right there?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, yes, I’m fine … no thanks to your dog,’ I answered as he pulled me up into a vertical position and right into his arms. I could smell his all too familiar cologne and enjoyed his warmth for a moment before quickly stepping back, my cheeks flushing.

  ‘Well, she was just happy to see you. Not her fault you can’t stay on your own two feet.’ His light-hearted tone prickled my skin.

  ‘Whatever,’ I said drily. I wasn’t going to let him back in.

  ‘It’s been a while,’ Paul said, picking a leaf from my hair as he held me near with his other hand, gently touching my lower back. I was well aware that I was in his arms; I just didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was affected by that.

  ‘Yes, two years,’ I answered, looking straight into his eyes while promising myself not to lower my defences. ‘With you living in the States and spending the summer touring around Europe, it’s not that surprising we haven’t seen much of each other,’ I said, my tone sharper than I wanted it to be.

  ‘Well, no. But I’m back now,’ he answered with a smile that tugged at my heart.

  ‘I can see that. How long for?’ I asked.

  ‘Couple of days. Maybe a week.’

  ‘Lovely. Maybe I should say goodbye to you now, in case I don’t get the chance to do it before you go,’ I hissed, spoiling for a fight.

  There was so much hurt inside me I wanted him to take responsibility for his shitty behaviour but when he said, ‘Fine. Goodbye then,’ I felt my anger deflating. I loved him so much the idea that that was really what our relationship had become was heartbreaking.

  ‘Goodbye,’ I said quietly as I walked towards the house. When I was hidden by the box hedge, I turned to look at him, one more time. He was crouching down patting the dog that was now sitting at his feet and gnawing at the stick he had thrown for her earlier.

  Better this way, I told myself even if I knew it was a lie.

  I walked towards the playroom, hoping that Harry and his Caribbean pirates’ movie would cheer me up. I pushed the heavy doors open expecting to find Harry already busying himself with the DVD remote, which was at least somewhat accurate. When I entered the room, he was fiddling with an enormous mass of cables and remote controls.

  What I didn’t anticipate was the number of people crowded near him. There were others slouched on the sofa or scattered in every corner of the room. Music was playing on the speakers above my head, food and drinks were displayed on the long table near the French doors that were open wide to allow the party-goers to spill into the garden.

  ‘Fran, finally – why did you take so long?’ Georgie asked, frowning at me. She then reached up to the side of my head and pulled a leaf out of my messy hair. Before she could say anything, I asked, ‘What’s this?’

  ‘A party?’ she answered as if I’d asked a very stupid question.

  ‘Thanks! I got that, but why?’

  ‘Why not?’ said Harry, sauntering over with a grin as he hugged me before saying, ‘Hey, gorgeous.’ He left a trail of kisses over my bare shoulder. I stiffened at his touch.

  ‘Are you drunk?’ I asked him, sneaking out of his embrace.

  ‘Maybe a little …’ he replied, taking my hand in his and kissing it softly. While looking into my eyes he added, ‘You are so beautiful and I love you so much, Fran.’

  I snatched my hand out of his grip trying to give him the hint that this was not a road I was willing to walk. ‘You are really drunk, Harry.’ I laughed nervously taking a step closer to Georgie.

  ‘The weather is great
, we’re on holiday, Mum and Dad are still in France, Robert is staying at a friend’s house, and the prodigal brother is back in town – we should celebrate!’

  ‘What about the movie …?’ I asked him, hoping to get him to focus on an inoffensive topic as his actions had a bitter aftertaste.

  ‘All in good time, all in good time. I’ll set up the projector outside, and when it’s dark enough, we’ll watch it open-air – cool, right?’ I looked at him considering the option of taking him away from the crowd for a while and force-feeding him water and coffee in equal measures until he could tell me what had brought on the tension I could feel emanating from him.

  Someone giggled excitedly just behind me, then accidently bumped into Harry who turned and gave her a friendly pat on her curvy bottom and winked at her.

  ‘Hey, gorgeous,’ he said and the giggler replied by blowing Harry a languid kiss.

  I watched the scene unfold.

  ‘Looks like it’s going to be a great party,’ said Harry his grin growing. ‘Eat, drink … be merry!’ he shouted at us as he walked off to mingle with the exponentially growing crowd.

  ‘Harry’s ‘only-a-few-close-friends’ party clearly got out of hand,’ said Georgie and we both cringed at the flood of people pouring in. They were all familiar faces, one more familiar than the rest. Paul entered the room with three guys I’d never seen before. They walked straight over to us.

  ‘Hi, Georgie,’ said Paul with a friendly smile as he kissed her once on the cheek. ‘It’s nice to see you.’

  ‘Nice to see you too, Paul. How’s California treating you?’ she asked.

  ‘Very well, certainly better than the cold shoulder I get over here,’ he answered quickly, turning his gaze from Georgie to me.

  ‘Fran.’ He acknowledged my presence with a courteous smile.

  ‘Paul,’ I said doing exactly the same. I felt as if we were playing a chess game I knew already I was going to lose. I smiled pleasantly at him, keeping my real feelings hidden.

  ‘These are a few good friends I met this summer,’ Paul said, pointing at the guys who were with him. He started the introductions with a very tall, very handsome guy who looked at least ten years older than me. ‘This is Bastiaan,’ Paul said.

  ‘Hello.’ Bastiaan greeted us with an inviting smile. When we shook hands, he held mine in his longer than necessary and I felt flattered by the attention, especially when I noticed Paul’s jaw tensing. So, I didn’t pull away, but actually smiled back at him with genuine interest. Paul staring at us just added to the elation of the moment.

  Paul carried on with the introductions: ‘And these are Mike, Logan, and Ben.’

  Bastiaan eventually released my hand so I could shake hands with one of the other newcomers. I felt Paul’s eyes on me as we exchanged polite greetings. Ben told me they met each other on the ferry to Copenhagen and cemented their friendship in Freetown Christiania. They all seemed very fond of Paul, with Bastiaan leading the pack.

  ‘Let’s get a drink, man,’ said Logan, touching Paul’s shoulder in a gesture that showed their camaraderie.

  ‘Sure, this way,’ answered Paul and they all moved towards the patio with a quick goodbye.

  When they were out of earshot, Georgie said, ‘Paul’s grown up.’

  ‘What?’ I asked confused.

  ‘Paul!’ she said. ‘He’s gorgeous and filled out all right in the two years he’s been away.’

  ‘Uhm …’ I answered noncommittally, thinking how fast my heart was beating when he took me into his arms when I saw him in the driveway. Feigning indifference was the key but the scene in front of me was too hard to ignore.

  I watched Paul surrounded by old school friends, welcoming him back after the long absence. Most of that crowd was female. A tall brunette I remembered seeing in Paul’s prom pictures was now holding his arm. He didn’t seem to mind. She had toothpick heels and a super short mini dress that looked almost identical to the Roberto Cavalli number Rihanna wore at the MTV Europe Music Awards. I remembered the dress because Harry said how hot she looked. By the numerous heads turning to look at the brunette, I could only assume she looked every bit as hot as Rihanna did.

  She was more beautiful than I remembered. Her curly hair skimmed softly over her naked shoulders. Her deep green eyes complemented her caramel skin in an intriguingly exotic mix. When she leaned to whisper something in Paul’s ear my blood froze in my veins, then started to boil. He laughed just as his eyes turned and locked on to mine. When he tilted his head, I looked away immediately.

  ‘Breathe, Fran,’ Georgie said, then she laid a comforting hand over my arm. ‘Deep breaths, try to calm down. You’re staring at them with murderous eyes and it’s scaring me.’

  ‘No, I’m not,’ I said defensively and smiled absently at a couple of friends who had waved at me from the other side of the room.

  ‘If you say so,’ Georgie mumbled as she grabbed a bag of popcorn from a tray that was being passed around.

  ‘Who does she think she is?’ I said out loud before I could stop myself.

  ‘An old friend …??’ Georgie answered tentatively, as if I was reading too much into their interaction.

  ‘Seriously?! She is all over him,’ I said, rabid.

  ‘Fran, come on, they were at school together for years. They’re friends.’

  I snorted, sure that she hadn’t known him as long as I had.

  ‘You’re being unreasonable. Paul is just being a nice host and was more pleasant to you than you were to him when he came over. If anything, you were the one being obnoxious,’ Georgie challenged.

  ‘What! Me? I don’t think so. I’m so over him. I don’t care about what he does, or who he does it with. I wouldn’t even care if he had a throng of brunettes at his feet. I just think it’s bad taste to drool over a guy like that …’

  Georgie coughed theatrically. ‘Said the pot to the kettle …’ she muttered with a friendly snigger.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Oh, Bastiaan … so very nice to meet you,’ she said fluttering her eyelashes in a coquettish way, imitating me earlier on. I rolled my eyes at her, preparing a snooty reply, but before I could say anything, Bastiaan appeared out of nowhere, catching us both off guard. He held two glasses of what looked like orange juice.

  ‘Drinks, ladies?’ he asked.

  ‘Thank you,’ I answered, taking one and giving Georgie a warning sideways glance as she took the other. I turned to face Bastiaan who was openly studying me. I did the same, wondering how long I was willing to keep up this game. He was more handsome than I’d originally thought, rocking a bad-boy look that didn’t quite match the kindness of his eyes and the softness of his smile. His hair was long, unruly, and wavy. Strands of it fell messily around his strong jaw. His eyes were a deep shade of green that reminded me of the colour of the calm water of a lake in the winter.

  There were lots of interesting contrasts to him and I realised I was intrigued to find out more about him. A strange buzzing feeling was springing from inside my stomach as his attention was focused so persistently on me. This was all very new for me as I’d been caught up for so long in my feelings for Paul that I’d never noticed anyone else – or maybe there wasn’t anyone else worth noticing … until now.

  ‘Whooo!’ said Georgie after taking a sip from the glass Bastiaan had brought over. ‘This is strong. What is it?’

  ‘It’s a Sex on the beach, but without the beach part because I couldn’t find any peach schnapps around,’ he said with a cheeky grin.

  ‘So, it’s just Sex then,’ I said with a flippant tone and a playful glint in my eyes, deciding that maybe I was going to enjoy this more than I ever thought I would.

  He looked at me, making no comment. ‘We’ll pass, thanks,’ Georgie said, giving him back the glass. Bastiaan took the cocktail she returned with a shrug of his shoulders but kept his smile and his eyes on me. I didn’t usually drink much, maybe a sip of champagne or a glass of wine at lunch, depending on the occasion. To
night, however, I fancied the idea of getting a little tipsy, just a little loose, to numb the painful, dull ache in my heart.

  ‘Are you going to keep yours?’ Bastiaan asked with a challenging stare.

  ‘Of course,’ I said, bringing the glass to my lips and taking another sip. ‘This is really good. I usually mix vodka with cranberry juice and it’s always too sweet. This is perfectly balanced.’

  ‘Fran!’ Georgie’s tone was mildly annoyed, and when I didn’t give up my glass, she walked away muttering something under her breath.

  ‘Please don’t go,’ I said, genuinely sorry I’d upset her but she was already disappearing through the crowd.

  ‘I think your friend disapproves of your choice,’ Bastiaan said, watching Georgie with a raised eyebrow.

  ‘Not really … she just doesn’t like drunk people. She says she can’t stand the idiotic behaviour, the slurred speech, and their moaning the morning after.’

  ‘Everyone is entitled to their own opinion,’ he said.

  ‘That’s true I guess.’ I shrugged and saw his eyes scanning every inch of me again but with much more precision this time. He didn’t bother to hide the appreciation of what he was looking at and when he moved closer to me I could feel my heartbeat quicken. Still, I kept my cool and instead of giving in to the shivers I took a sip from the glass in my hand.

  I smiled when his eyes finally returned to mine.

  ‘Gorgeous,’ he said. ‘You are definitely gorgeous.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I answered, a little flustered by his compliment, my cheeks flushed.

  ‘Would you like to take a walk with me?’ he asked, pointing towards the open French doors.

  ‘Sure,’ I answered, following him into the garden.

  He walked next to me, his hand intimately resting on my lower back. I realised I didn’t mind that.

  I didn’t mind spending some time alone with him, but a little part of me hoped that Paul saw us, that he would know how it felt to see me with someone else. We sat on the bench under the big oak tree. Bastiaan angled his body towards me, then adjusted the soft cushions so that they were no longer a barrier between us.